When my daughter is old enough to begin learning the cold, hard, greasy facts about the nature of men, I'm going to have her listen to a steady mix of Loretta Lynn, Billie Holiday, and Nina Simone. I might also throw in a little Edith Piaf because it doesn't hurt to hear cautionary messages in another language. These women sing about the trouble men often bring, and sometimes they sing about how to deal with those troubles.
My goal with my daughter is to keep the penis out of the picture for the next 20 years or so. We all know the penis is a damn nuisance, an albatross around the neck, figuratively speaking, of course.
However, I know I'm fighting a formidable foe, so I also need to arm my daughter with some advice. There is much she needs to know, but today I'll share the following with her:
Don't mix drinking and men, and stay clear of men bearing frou-frou drinks, appealing beverages that appear innocuous but pack a venomous punch. In 2004, Loretta Lynn recorded the Van Lear Rose with Jack White of The White Stripes producing the album. It's a fine album with several standout tracks, but one of my favorites is "Portland, Oregon", a song about the perils of consuming too many frou-frou drinks with a man.
Portland, Oregon
Well Portland Oregon and sloe gin fizz
If that ain't love then tell me what is
Well I lost my heart it didn't take no time
But that ain't all. I lost my mind in Oregon
In a booth in the corner with the lights down low
I was movin' in fast she was takin' it slow
Well I looked at him and caught him lookin' at me
I knew right then we were playin' free in Oregon
Next day we knew last night got drunk
But we loved enough for the both of us
In the morning when the night had sobered up
It was much too late for the both of us in Oregon
Well sloe gin fizz works might fast
When you drink it by the pitcher and not by the glass
Hey bartender before you close
Pour us one more drink and a pitcher to go
And a pitcher to go [repeat]
Sloe Gin Fizz
Ingredients:- 1 ounce sloe gin
- 1 ounce gin
- 3/4 ounce lemon juice
- a splash of lemon-lime soda
- Mix Sloe gin, gin, lemon juice in a glass. Top with a splash of soda. Enjoy.
Don't come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind,
muddy
4 comments:
I don't have any advice but I do have a recipe for you...my favorite summer drink called Skip and Go Naked...
2/3 c cold beer
2/3 c frozen pink lemonade concentrate
1/4 vodka
straws or stirrers
Fill blender container 1/2 way with ice. Pour in beer, lemonade and vodka, blend well and serve.
Just read your blog, even read it out loud to Mr. Wii, because we all know engineers can't read for pleasure. As for advice:
Engineeers and teachers, from the midwest, of course, will make a very good partner. It's your choice if you decide to marry them.
Thanks for a lazy Saturday evening smile. N
If she grows up listening to Loretta, Billie, Nina, an Edith (and of course, throw in some Emmylou, Etta, and Bettye), then you won't have to say a thing to her. She'll figure it all out for herself.
Marianne: Thanks for the recipe. This sounds like a great drink for company.
Nella: Thanks. I appreciate the advice. You're right. It boils down to choice. The key is to empower my daughter, give her the skills to exercise a little quality control, and encourage her to be selective when it comes to men. There are a lot of good guys out there.
HPD: I'll put Emmylou, Etta, and Bettye on the playlist. Speaking of Bettye: Did you see her performance during the Kennedy Center Honors when she covered The Who. Outstanding performance. She really stole that song from them, and it was great seeing Townsend and Daltrey's reaction. They were blown away.
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