The Greasy Five: Essentials for Camping with Ruffians

This weekend I'll be camping near Noel, Missouri, with a crew of whiskey swilling ruffians whose idea of a meal is six courses of meat followed by whatever they chuck into the deep fat fryers. This yearly event is called Man Camp. It's my inaugural participation in this fabled event, and I don't know what to expect.

I've never camped with a group before. Camping has always been a solitary event, where I decompress and commune with nature. I anticipate that Man Camp will be overwhelming for me, so today's Greasy Five consists of things I'll take to help me cope on this outing.

• Whiskey: This is used for medicinal purposes.

• Fresh fruits and vegetables: Since a diet of only grease and meat releases Mr. Crankypants from his cage, I'll bring my own little stash of greens

• Reading Material:

• Coffee: For this trip, I purchased a new percolator for my camp stove. For me coffee is more important than clean underwear.

• Notebook: When my camping companions begin to sound their barbaric yawps over the Ozark Mountains and things become a bit unbearable for this introverted soul, I'll take a walk with my notebook and do some writing.

wish me luck,
muddy

PS. . . For years, I was led to believe that Man Camp locale was a primitive environment (I guess, actually only the behavior of the participants is primitive), but I now know the truth. This year's outing will be held at the River Ranch Resort. For the record, any place that has miniature golf and delivers pizza to your campsite isn't primitive.