Don't Mess with Kansas Pt. 2: Feelin' Kansas

People like to bemoan the monotony and flatness of Kansas. They talk like traversing I-70 through Western Kansas is some Biblical ordeal. These drama queens travel with a DVD players, ignore the scenery, and focus on the destination rather than the journey. Western Kansas is my litmus test to weed out boring people in my life. If someone tells me that driving Western Kansas is boring, I know I have a boring person on my hands. I have little patience for those individuals. They're boring people who are incapable of creating their own entertainment and who are unable to find something interesting in their surroundings.

The songwriter Tom T. Hall stated the following: "There are two types of people in this world: Those who have traveled the world and seen nothing, and those who have only traveled around the block and seen everything." When you get down to it, how you look matters more than where you look.

For the record, Kansas isn't flat. Anyone who has traveled to the Flint Hills, the Arikaree Breaks, the Gypsum Hills, or the University of Kansas campus know this. Last week I found a globe with those topographical bumps I love so much, and I felt up Kansas. She's not flat. There are certainly flatter states out there:

Illinois.


Louisiana.
I think, Florida might be the flattest.

However, there's nothing wrong with a flat state. If you view the landscape from the right perspective, you WILL find something interesting, and in the process you'll find yourself transformed into a more interesting person.


are we there yet?
Mr. Crankypants

Don't Mess with Kansas Pt. 1

Some people refer to Kansas as flyover country. I'm fine with this label because that means those folks aren't visiting Kansas, and this means Kansas has fewer assholes than most places. I'm all for fewer assholes.

Now there are assholes in Kansas, but most of them live in the eastern portion of the state, so if you want to decrease your chances of running into an asshole, just head west. By the time you get to Hays, you should be in the clear. I find comfort in this.

Don't mess with Kansas,
Mr. Crankypants

Rattling Mr. Cranypants' Cage

Last week I informed Mr. Crankypants that he needed to start contributing more to this blog. I made the mistake of doing this while he was reading. He hates it when someone interrupts his reading, so with a scowl, he looked up from Volume II of Shelby Foote's The Civil War: A Narrative, and said, " This blog was your idea. I don't have time for self-indulgent shit. In fact, I don't even read your blog. Besides I have the Siege of Vicksburg to tend to this week."

Then he left the room whistling "Dixie" and I didn't see him the rest of the evening.

At that point, I saw that there was no reasoning with the man, so under the cover of night while he slept, I commandeered all three volumes of Mr. Foote's masterpiece and buried them under our oak tree in the backyard. Then I left the following note on his nightstand:

January 25th is Kansas Day. You will write series of posts commemorating our statehood. When this is done, I will return your books.

Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind,
muddy

We'll see how this act of agression plays out here at The Greasy Skillet.

preserve the union,
muddy