Butter Cream on Canvas

My daughter has been discussing art with us lately. She's been rambling on about some guy named Leonardo da Vinci and his painting Mona Lisa. Yesterday when I picked her up, we took time to browse some of the art reproductions hanging in the classroom.

When I pointed out Van Gogh's Starry Night and told her that it was one of my favorites, she placed her hands on her hips and said, "Well, let me show you my favorite!" Then we walked over to view the following print on the wall:


With a sweet-tooth smile, she told me the painting was titled Cakes. I immediately understood why my dessert-loving and chocolate-stashing daughter liked the painting, and I was thrilled that she had a favorite painting. At five I didn't have a favorite painting, and I certainly didn't know diddle about any artists.

At home that evening, I researched the painter, a man by the name of Wayne Thiebaud (pronounced T-Bow). Critics say his paintings look like "butter cream on canvas" and that "You don't just want to look at his paintings; you want to lick them." I would love to take my daughter to see one of his paintings.

In the research I found, Mr. Thiebaud seemed like one of the most humble and well-adjusted artists ever. The man doesn't take him too seriously, and I like his following observation: "If we don't have a sense of humor, we lack a sense of perspective."

I hope my daughter always keeps this in mind.

The following is a feature from CBS's Sunday Morning. I think you'll find it inspiring:

Talkin' to Loretta and Drinkin' a Sloe Gin Fizz

When my daughter is old enough to begin learning the cold, hard, greasy facts about the nature of men, I'm going to have her listen to a steady mix of Loretta Lynn, Billie Holiday, and Nina Simone. I might also throw in a little Edith Piaf because it doesn't hurt to hear cautionary messages in another language. These women sing about the trouble men often bring, and sometimes they sing about how to deal with those troubles.My goal with my daughter is to keep the penis out of the picture for the next 20 years or so. We all know the penis is a damn nuisance, an albatross around the neck, figuratively speaking, of course.

However, I know I'm fighting a formidable foe, so I also need to arm my daughter with some advice. There is much she needs to know, but today I'll share the following with her:

Don't mix drinking and men, and stay clear of men bearing frou-frou drinks, appealing beverages that appear innocuous but pack a venomous punch. In 2004, Loretta Lynn recorded the Van Lear Rose with Jack White of The White Stripes producing the album. It's a fine album with several standout tracks, but one of my favorites is "Portland, Oregon", a song about the perils of consuming too many frou-frou drinks with a man.

Portland, Oregon

Well Portland Oregon and sloe gin fizz
If that ain't love then tell me what is
Well I lost my heart it didn't take no time
But that ain't all. I lost my mind in Oregon

In a booth in the corner with the lights down low
I was movin' in fast she was takin' it slow
Well I looked at him and caught him lookin' at me
I knew right then we were playin' free in Oregon

Next day we knew last night got drunk
But we loved enough for the both of us
In the morning when the night had sobered up
It was much too late for the both of us in Oregon

Well sloe gin fizz works might fast
When you drink it by the pitcher and not by the glass
Hey bartender before you close
Pour us one more drink and a pitcher to go

And a pitcher to go [repeat]

Sloe Gin Fizz

Ingredients:

• 1 ounce sloe gin
• 1 ounce gin
• 3/4 ounce lemon juice
• a splash of lemon-lime soda

Preparation:

1. Mix Sloe gin, gin, lemon juice in a glass. Top with a splash of soda. Enjoy.

What other frou-frou drinks should be avoided? Any advice about men for my daughter?

Don't come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind,
muddy