I'll never forget how you seduced me from an interstate billboard with three simple words: FRIED PIES AHEAD!!! Seduction at 75 miles. Knees quavering. Stomach growling. Mini-van veering. When I walked into the shop, your half-moon smile cast a spell on me. I pulled you from the shop. You slipped out of your wrapper, looking more comfortable and alluring. Sitting on the hood of my van, you basked in the unseasonable warm February weather. With the first bite, my heart fluttered, and I knew I'd never be the same.
While I savored every sweet moment of our time together, I've decided to end our relationship. It just won't work. Long distance relationships rarely work, and I have no intention of making a plot of Oklahoma red dirt my home because I'm a Kansan at the core. Also it's not fair to have you move up to Kansas. The North would just try to change you, and before long they would try to make you sugar free, and before you knew it, they would be baking you, rather than frying you in a bath of peanut oil. They would probably even try to change your name. That's what they did to your cousin Kentucky Fried Chicken. Being called KFC is no way to go through life. Where's the soul in that name?
Our time together will always have a special place in my heart. I hope we can still be friends.